Unconfirmed sources report that Republican big wigs have drafted an Omnibus Constitutional amendment to further some of their right wing goals in Bush’s second term. The amendment, know as the Make America Great Again Amendment, has four main goals, outlaw gay marriage, allow foreign born nationals to run for the Presidency, outlaw flag burning, and repeal several inconvenient parts of the Bill of Rights. Congressional leaders are said to be excited about the plan and are certain that most of Americans agree with them that Making America Great Again is just what America needs.
“I’m telling you, only a bunch of commie loving, dissipated, bleeding heart liberals could vote against this package of constitutional reforms.” Said Republican holy roller Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania. “All four provisions of this bill are needed if we are going to defend America from the forces of liberalism and compassion that threaten to destroy it. I’m letting the world know now that on this one you are either with us or against us and if you are against us you had better get ready for some serious trouble.”
The President himself was deeply involved with the drafting of the Omnibus Amendment and has decided that it will be the first major thrust of his second term. He spoke in the rose garden to reporters to layout his plans on the Amendment.
“America is deeply divided right now and this is just the type of thing that everyone can get behind. I believe that everyone wants a great America and this is what it will take to do it. When I look into the future I see all of America banding together to bring these sadly needed improvements to our great Constitution. I look at this as a chance to really heal America and get past all the hate that some people have felt towards me. This is probably our last best chance to unite America in these troubled times.”
“I think this has the makings of a real political coup for the President.” Said David Brooks of the New York Times. “People have been moaning about how divided the country is and well those people just need to suck it up and get behind the President. The President is really going out a limb here to offer those who hate him and all that he stands for an opportunity to change their minds and give the President Bush’s policies a second look. If they look close enough they will see that inside he is a nice guy with a good heart even if his policies seem utterly ridicules to any educated observer.”
Washington insiders expect action to begin on the new amendment as soon as the new congress is sworn in come January. Washington is headed toward a new era of bipartisan relations so stay tuned for the fireworks.