Republican's Tap Former President Abe Lincoln To Lead The Party's Moral Rehabilitation

Monday, January 16, 2006

Republican lawmakers in the Senate and House, beset by scandals in both their leadership and rank and file have been searching desperately to find a member of their party that can take the lead in reassuring the public of their integrity and commitment to ethical standards. Unfortunately for the party, there are precious few current members of Congress that can hope to fill that bill, so ranking members of the GOP have resorted to tapping a past Republican lawmaker to lead the party back into America’s good graces.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Two years ago we never would have thought we’d be facing something like this, so we never really made any contingency plans. Of course, two years ago, we figured Baghdad would be one enormous Club Med by now and the US would be swimming in all that Iraqi oil. I mean, what’re you gonna do?”

Continuing to be anonymous Waterhouse continued, “Be that as it may, we were really left scrambling to find a Republican, any Republican, that was untainted by some scandal or another. But with DeLay indicted, Frist under investigation, Bush polling about as trustworthy as a ham sandwich and Cheney