Rice Off to Competition in Middle East, Wishes for World Peace


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Washington, DC (APE) – US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, in a press conference yesterday at the state department, bid farewell as she embarked on a trip to a major competition in the middle east where she will be representing the United States. She vowed to bring home the title to the Middle East to America.

“This is a different Middle East competition,” Rice stated, “It’s a new Middle East. It’s cutthroat.”

“What we’re seeing here… is the afterbirth of an aborted attempt at a democracy in a “New” Middle East competition. We have to be certain, this time, that we push when we’re told to in the Middle East, and not go back to breathing the incorrect old way.”


Rice stated that she was looking forward to open confrontation and competition with her perennial archrivals Miss Syria, Miss Iran, and this year’s gutsy performer, Miss Hezbollah. She offered to reporters that fans would be in for a real treat as she partnered with Miss Israel in the talent portion of the competition. Sources have reported that the two will perform a song and dance routine to Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture. Rice, an accomplished concert pianist, will offer her rendition of the classical piece while Miss Israel performs an interpretive dance. Washington has reportedly pulled all stops in their support of the production, and is reportedly speeding delivery of precision guided pyrotechnics and other “special effects” to spice up the presentation.

Rice also went on to say that she felt she was a sure bet to win the swimsuit competition, thanks to her rigorous daily training. The US has received repeated assurances that drug testing will not occur throughout the competition.

In her oral presentation, Rice stated that she will focus on a brief essay of the time honored theme of “World Peace”. “This will be a forum where we hope to unveil new thoughts about an American ideal for peace throughout the Middle East. We will be advocating for a hard fought, bloody and lasting peace through superior firepower.”