Salt Lake City, UT (APE) – Campaign staffers for former Massachusetts governor and Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney today announced that he would be canceling campaign activities over the Easter weekend for a hunting trip to Utah with Vice President Dick Cheney. Security for the trip is incredibly tight, and sources have refused to identify the location of the hunting preserve as well as the types of caged animals which will be released.
Political pundits speculated that the move was best viewed as damage control over Romney’s recent awkward performance in New Hampshire, in which he attempted to portray himself as an avid hunter. It is further speculated that Romney would in turn use his influence as a Mormon to quell unrest and student protests currently occurring at Brigham Young University over the school’s decision to honor the vice president’s insistence on giving a commencement address.
The White House has portrayed the vice president’s trip as a sort of “Goodwill Hunting” in which the president and vice president are attempting to bolster the flagging fortunes of Republican candidates who had formerly been supportive of the administration.
The vice president dismissed criticism of the hunting trip early this morning on syndicated radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh’s show. “I know Mitt Romney. He’s a really good friend of mine,” stated Mr. Cheney. “For him to come forward and identify himself as a hunter… well, I wish he wouldn’t have done it. It was bad behavior.”
Cheney went on to state that he would offer to Romney his lifetime of hunting experience on the trip in order to legitimize his claims. “He’s a good man, and I can just see the poodle references coming,” stated Cheney, “I won’t stand by idly and watch this man be Kerrified in the press. I’m looking forward to a great cougar hunt with him.”