Hollywood, CA (DMZ) – Within hours after a purported deal with MSNBC fell through, DMZ reporters discovered that former talk show host and comedian Rosie O’Donnell has signed a multimillion dollar contract with Fox networks to star alongside right-wing pundit Bill O’Reilly. O’Reillys once popular “O’Reilly Factor” has been suffering from anemic ratings for the past few years, and Fox looks to be attempting to revive the floundering program.
The new show, reportedly premiering sometime over the Christmas holidays, will be revamped and renamed “The O’Reilly/O’Donnell Factor”. A spokesperson for the Fox network states that they are looking to breathe new life into their trademark claim of “fair and balanced” with the addition of Ms. O’Donnell alongside O’Reilly.
“We’re all professionals here,” stated a defensive O’Reilly. “I’m looking forward to working with Rosie. I don’t envision things getting out of hand, because I now know where she lives. Besides that, the fact that I truly appreciate a full figured woman is something that a lot of people probably don’t know about me. I look forward to trading some very sensual falafel recipes in sort of a “get to know you” kind of way.”
“He’s got some pretty bizarre theories about the real story behind 9/11,” stated O’Donnell in regards to O’Reilly. “This whole project ought to be a lot of fun, and I’ll leave it to the American public to decide for themselves who yells “shut up!” better.”
The “O’Reilly/O’Donnell Factor” will hopefully premiere sometime after Mr. O’Reilly’s annual “War on Christmas” begins, contingent upon a settlement in the national writers strike.