Topeka, KS (APE) – Hours after the McCain campaign announced that former Bush strategist Karl Rove would be coming aboard their campaign, tragedy was barely averted as the famous “Straight Talk Express” was totaled on a lonely road outside of Topeka, Kansas. No one on board was injured as the newly acquired strategist, Karl Rove himself, was at the wheel and reportedly sent it spinning out of control. The campaign was making a hasty retreat from Kansas after receiving a primary setback loss at the hands of the only remaining Republican competitor, Mike Huckabee.
“It all just happened so fast,” said a reporter who had been traveling on board the bus with the campaign. “Karl was having fun at the wheel, tailgating a Volvo with a Hillary Clinton bumper sticker on it, and then he seemed to swerve and over correct as this pickup with an Obama sticker passed both vehicles.”
Neither of the other two vehicles involved were detained or charged by authorities. State police are investigating whether charges of driving while impaired should be brought against Rove.
A spokesperson for Mr. Rove dismissed the loss of the famous bus, stating that as a symbol it had long ago lost its usefulness. The McCain campaign announced that it would be resurrecting rail travel in a classic nod to the “Whistle Stop” campaigns of old. The newly christened “Terror Train” was closer to the GOP message, and would begin touring the remaining primary states. “We’re not stopping until this train pulls into that final station on Pennsylvania Avenue,” stated a McCain staffer,” and the rest of the campaigns had better observe caution before crossing our tracks.”