Rufus Speaks Out


New York, NY (APE) – Fresh off of his stunning win at the Westminster Kennel Club Show, Rufus the bull terrier took advantage of the limelight to promote the plight of dogs worldwide, a cause which he is passionate about. This is becoming standard fare for most champions in the news, the most recent being US speed skater Joey Cheek, who took advantage of his recent gold medal win at the Olympics to thrust the plight of Darfur and Sudanese refugees into public view. Dining on a plate of steak tartar at Sardi’s after his win in the fabled dog show, Rufus shared his concerns with the press in attendance.

Speaking through an interpreter, Rufus stated that he would be giving all of his winnings to the ASPCA with the specific intentions of caring for attack dogs and bomb sniffing dogs who have been traumatized or injured in service to their country in Iraq. Rufus stated, “Most folks don’t appreciate that while we now have an all voluntary armed service, dogs don’t really have a choice. They are basically drafted from birth and usually given the worst, most dangerous assignments that soldiers won’t touch. But, still, you don’t hear them complain. Most dogs, when they are allowed to return from Iraq, are either mutilated for life or suffer unremitting PTSD.”

Rufus stated that he felt a real kinship and a kindred spirit with all military dogs. While he has never served, he stated that he is quite proud of the fact that the bull terrier was the preferred breed for legendary World War II General George S. Patton. He stated that his great, great, great, great grandfather on his mother’s side was actually featured in the Hollywood motion picture honoring the general.

“Dog human relations have really deteriorated as a result of the Bush administration and its rush to an illegal and foolhardy war in Iraq,” Rufus continued. “It just sickens me to see these new pictures being released in which dogs are being forced to torture prisoners in Abu Gharib. And it’s always the same story, blame the dog and the handler, and not those higher up who are responsible for issuing the orders. Well, let me tell you, dogs are not stupid. We feel, and we hurt when we’re forced to do bad things. Just look at what’s happened to poor Barney.”

Rufus went on to state that he was unafraid of the consequences for what appears to be a largely unpopular public stance. “I just want to take advantage of my 15 minutes of fame to get the truth out.”

White House spokesman Scott McClellan was reached for comment and stated, “How sad that another celebrity has chosen to use their position to perpetuate such misinformed opinions. Rufus does a real disservice to the morale of all dogs serving their country. I suppose he should be forgiven for his actions, because it’s my understanding that this was likely his last show, and certainly his breeding days are over. They say that inbreeding takes a real genetic toll. Also, I understand that dogs can get very passive after spaying or neutering… not that we have any information that this has occurred.”