The Iranian news agency, ‘Ras el-Humiq’ confirmed today that former U.S. Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, has accepted the post of Defense Minister for that Middle East country.
U.S. government officials could not be reached to comment on this startling, early breaking news, but Rumsfeld accompanied by Iran’s President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, was interviewed on Iranian TV, last night.
After an introduction by Iran’s president, Rumsfeld explained why he accepted the position.
” In good faith, President Bush and I, declared war on Iraq after receiving reports that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. When we found out they didn’t, and could no longer keep this secret, we came up with numerous other reasons for the invasion, until we ran out of them and I was fired.”
Ahmadinejad listened approvingly, as Rumsfeld’s remarks were interpreted. Rumsfeld continued.
” With my vast experience going to waste, I quietly put out feelers to see who could use my expertise. The president here made me a nice offer I could not refuse. Also, I can say positively and absolutely, that the United States is proven to
have weapons of mass destruction and is a threat to Iran and all Islam!”
Hearing the news, Iranians filled the streets of Tehran, expressing approval.
Iran’s president commented on Rumsfeld’s decision. Translated to English, he welcomed Rumsfeld to the ” family of peaceful Islamic nations of the middle East, many whom expressed fears of weapons of mass destruction possessed by the United States.”
“Our goal is to bring democracy to that dangerous, threatening nation through diplomacy and peaceful means, but if that fails, we always have Mr. Rumsfeld and his skills in ‘other methods’ , if you know what I mean!”
The program closed with the playing of the Iranian National Anthem after which Ahmadinejad invited Rumsfeld to the National Palace for tea and Kabab Koobideh, a traditional dish of barbequed ground lamb.