Rumsfeld: from "Battle Hardening" to "Battling Hardons"

Washington, DC (Rotters) – Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld went on the defensive today responding to charges that the Department of Defense and the Bush administration sought to ignore and hide evidence of female soldiers’ deaths in Iraq that were the direct result of fear of rape by their own fellow male soldiers. “Sexual assault will not be tolerated in the Department of Defense,” Rumsfeld declared in February of 2004.

“I stand by our enforcement of this policy today,” stated Rumsfeld, “and I challenge anyone to show me any evidence whatsoever of anyone in the Department of Defense either man or woman who has been sexually assaulted since 2004. We have made our penal codes much stiffer.”

“Do the armed services still have problems? You bet. Has the message gotten down to the men and women in uniform? Apparently not. But there is a delicate balance at work here. It would just be sheer folly to send our troops into action in Iraq against an enemy who didn’t really believe that they were capable of rape and torture. So, you see, it’s a psychological thing, and I addressed that yesterday. It’s a situation where there is “blowback” or “collateral damage” when propaganda or disinformation gets back to the home front.”

“Rest assured that we will be working diligently to see that our men and women in uniform unashamedly take this problem in hand. In an effort to be completely thorough, the Department of Defense has earmarked roughly $500,000 out of the president’s $120 billion request for extra funding in the war on Iraq to address this issue, and discussions are underway with Halliburton subsidiary KBR to explore the best possible route for dispersion of salt peter in daily rations.”