Rumsfeld Joins Iraqi President Talabani in Rejection of Iraq Study Group Recommendations

Baghdad, Iraq (APE) – Former Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld joined embattled Iraqi President Jalal Talabani yesterday in declaring the recent Iraq Study Group recommendations “an insult to the people of Iraq.” “It is not respecting the desire of the Iraqi people to control its army and to be able to re-arm and train Iraqi forces under the leadership of the Iraqi government,” stated Talabani. “The consequences of failure are unacceptable,” stated Rumsfeld at a combined press conference, “the enemy must be defeated.”

“I believe that President George Bush is a brave and committed man and he is adamant to support the Iraqi government until they’ve reached success,” said Talabani.

Rumsfeld went on to announce that out of the president’s sense of commitment, he would be remaining in Iraq, and working closely with the fledgling government to ensure its success. He also stated that there were some small points of agreement in regards to the study group’s recommendations that might possibly be implemented by the Bush/Talabani administration. One controversial suggestion in particular was the immediate initiation of talks with warring factions within the country. “You nation build with the guerrilla fighters that you have, and not necessarily the ones that you’d like to have,” stated Rumsfeld. “It’s important to note that one man’s insurgent might be another man’s detergent.”

Rumsfeld will reportedly be appointed as an interim secretary of defense for Iraq, overseeing the development of its armed forces. Rumsfeld vowed to bring his concept of a lean, fast, and efficient strikeforce to the Iraqi army. Rumsfeld has pioneered the art of warfare without essential armor and protection, training for which the Iraqi Army and police are in desperate need.

Rumsfeld also took the opportunity to bid farewell to US troops stationed in Iraq. Visiting 1200 soldiers and Marines at al-Assad, he stated, “for the past six years, I’ve had the opportunity and, I would say, the privilege to serve with the greatest military on the face of the earth… and I look forward to creating the same for the Iraqi people.”