Washington, DC (APE) -Jeannette Huster, mother of embattled Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today became the latest in a succession of high-profile persons insisting on his resignation. She spoke to press members from the Pentagon, having been clandestinely smuggled past security by anonymous Pentagon officials. In the past month, no less than four high-ranking retired generals have stepped forward to criticize Mr. Rumsfeld to no avail, so it remains to be seen what if any effect this latest call for his resignation will have upon the Bush administration.
Huster initially joked with reporters who had been under the assumption that she was dead. “Our family gets that a lot, even Donny,” quipped the registered Centenarian.
Huster then became serious when discussing issues surrounding the Iraq war and the role that her son has played. “When you get to be my age you have a lot of time to just observe and absorb things. I am personally ashamed at the way things have turned out in Iraq, and the hand that my son has had in it. I believed in him when it first started, because… you want to be able to trust your son and your family, but this has just gone far enough.”
“I know my boy,” continued Huster, “he always did have a little bit of a problem with the truth. But I could always tell. Now don’t get me wrong, I still love my son, and deep down I still believe he’s a good person. He’s just been hanging around with the wrong crowd again. I’ve asked him very nicely ever since this whole thing started to just put a stop to it, but he won’t let it go. Well, the time for politely asking is over, so now I’m telling him.”
Huster became visibly testy when a reporter attempted to compare Rumsfeld’s stint in office to that of former Vietnam era Defense Secretary Robert McNamara. “I have met Robert McNamara, and I know Robert McNamara personally, and my son, sir, is no Robert McNamara,” she said.
At the conclusion of the press conference, a furious Rumsfeld was contacted for comment. He insisted to reporters that his mother was indeed dead and that the Pentagon would be launching an internal investigation into the hoax that had apparently been perpetuated, starting within its newly established Psy-Ops division.