Washington, DC (Rotters) – The Bush Administration, responding to suggestions that the standing military ought to be more involved in planning and disaster response in the wake of hurricanes Katrina and Rita has given Donald Rumsfeld additional duties as a liaison with FEMA and the Department of Homeland Security. Rumsfeld immediately unveiled the new FEMA temporary housing units which will be put into use by the hundreds of thousands for the victims of the recent disasters in America.
“This is a concept which we have obviously been working on for some time”, stated Mr. Rumsfeld. “We know form our studies and experiences at NASA, and Pentagon studies in Guantanamo Bay and other places, that the amount of space needed by the typical person is vastly over rated. Also, when there are problems, there are very effective medications available.”
The “P-Pod” or “People Pod”, the new housing unit unveiled today by FEMA
“The results of all this hard work are what you see here, the most efficient, cost effective temporary housing that the American tax dollars can buy. This IS the equipment you want to go to a disaster with.”
“Each unit is self contained, and features passive heating, shower, waste disposal, cooking, entertainment, all rolled into one efficient unit. Will people be upset about the space? Sure. Will they want out and into nicer accommodations? Absolutely. But this is good for America… more incentive to work harder towards that goal…better for the economy.”
“We calculate that the shelters themselves may very well also have an impact upon unwanted births, particularly when one realizes the statistical likelihood of increased birthrate in the wake of war or disaster. Birth control that doesn’t involve messy contraception or taking the life of an unborn child.”
“These units will go a long way towards preserving intact families, as now children who previously never even had their own room or privacy at home, will. Units have the capacity of being attached together in a modular fashion to accommodate even the largest extended families, and possibly even entire communities.”
“Also, for those who are unable to master the sometimes difficult task of vertical somnolence, FEMA will be rolling out the horizontal models within the next few weeks. There have been a few supply-sided issues as well as some technical difficulties which we are working on. Anyone who needs the horizontal model will receive a voucher. We anticipate that once the body count from both hurricanes is known, and the situation in Iraq stabilizes after the upcoming constitutional vote, there will no longer be a shortage of the horizontal models.”