Crawford, TX — Taking his monthly two-week vacation at his ranch in Texas, dressed in designer ‘cowboy mode’, holding a calf on a halter, …and with his trade mark arrogant smirk on his face, President Bush took his daily ‘Marlboro cowboy’ photo op and issued a warning to several countries; Russia, Angola, China, Iran, Syria, North Korea, Cuba and Venezuela…
” You better listen to me, the Leader of the Free World,” he said, “..and acknowledge that only my country can have atomic weapons not you, since we are the only civilized and responsible nation which has the discipline and leadership to use them sensibly. Stop frightening the world by saying we need to develop alternate energy sources, when you know that the earth contains millions of years of untapped petroleum….I don’t want to hear anymore about ‘global warming’, our auto industry is more important… and especially, you’d better cease having your witch doctors promote your heathen religions when you know that God is a Southern Baptist Christian!”
As the cameras rolled, the President in a macho gesture,removed his cowboy hat and spat tobacco juice at a passing prairie dog.
” You would be wise to take notice how our valiant troops are beating the crap out of El Quaida, the Taliban, and San Francisco peaceniks. How we’re bringing peace, democracy and stability to the Middle East, and how the overwhelming majority of Americans are supportive of my efforts to stabilize the world, not through sissy diplomacy, but by guns, bombs and threats!” Signaling the cameras to stop for a moment, the President’s makeup artist added a bit more synthetic sweat to his brow, and stepped back.
Later, on his patio, sipping a Coke with Karl Rove and watching Fox News’s laudatory comments on his speech, he turned to Rove. ” Blossom, does the public really believe all this s–t?”
“Amazingly, some still do, George.” replied Rove