Unconfirmed sources report that the latest Gallup poll indicates Sadam Hussein’s masterful debate performance has given him the lead in the Electoral College. Hussein, who has been taking an ‘under the radar’ approach has broken through the media malaise to score big with the American people. All bets are off as the three candidates battle it out for the Presidency.
“Masterful!” said FOX News’s Bill O’Reily. “Thursday night’s debate was full of surprises. Who knew Saddam had it in him. He took Bush and Kerry to the cleaners. I have to tell you, I though Saddam was a mad man, but you know what? He really could win this thing.”
Saddam’s performance has taken many voters by surprise as well. His command of the issues and plain speaking style has captured the nations attention. Voters from coast to coast are giving Saddam a closer look as the election nears.
“People want a strong leader.” Said White House hatchet man Karl Rove. “Saddam had a better showing than the President last night. Saddam showed his toughness and unwillingness to change his position, even when everybody knows he is wrong. The public likes that in a leader and that has put Saddam in the drivers seat. He went a long way to proving that he has the blind illogical faith that it takes to lead this nation.”
The President has his work cut out for himself if he is going to pull this one out. Saddam has taken Bush’s key strengths, the War in Iraq and crazy stubbornness, as his own. That leaves Bush with a crappy economy and the hatred of gays to run on and that just might not be enough.
Kerry made a decent showing even after Saddam shot him in the shoulder. “The wound took him off is game a little, but Kerry showed his stuff.” Said White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “The fact that he took the hit and kept on debating shows he has got some real moxie. I kind of wish the president had taken one, nothing gets the country united like shooting at the President. Look what it did for Reagan and Kennedy.”
The latest poll from the highly respected Gallup organization shows Saddam making great gains in several key battle ground states. He has bloodied both Bush and Kerry by taking states that each of them will need for victory. The loss of Texas, Florida and Arizona may well cripple the Presidents chances. Kerry has faired no better losing two huge electoral prizes California and New York.
“Saddam’s speaking skills have blown this race wide open. It is going to be a wild and wooly race to the finish.” Said polling expert Ruy Teixeira, of the web site the Emerging Democratic Majority. “I’m going to be glued to my computer watching the polls down to the finish. The one is going to be too close to call until the Supreme Court steps in and gives it to Bush.”