Santa Claus Answers Your Letters

From: Santa Claus
To: All Boys And Girls

Date: December 22,2007

Subject: Christmas Gifts

Dear Children,

It is with great regret that I must inform you that I will no longer be delivering any presents on Christmas Eve, regardless of whether the intended recipient has been either naughty or nice, or bad or good. While I still wholeheartedly support the concept that all children should be good for goodness sake, I’ve come to realize that my actions every Christmas, far from helping, were actually detrimental to achieving this noble goal. Allow me to explain.

Goodness is a quality we should all strive for, regardless of reward, but I’ve come to notice, especially over the last fifty or sixty years, or essentially from the beginning of the Baby Boom, that most children (and adults too for that matter) were only being good in the hopes of some sort of pay out by myself, their parents or relatives. This is directly contrary to the aforementioned principle of being “good for goodness sake”, but I could have still been comfortable with that- after all, goodness is the primary aim here. But recently, even so simple a matter as being ‘good’ has become skewed beyond the scale of any moral compass, with the possible exception of George W. Bush’s.

Children have, for the last half century or so, been ganging up their good days, as it were; the cynical thought here seems to be that as long as you’re good in the several weeks leading up to Christmas, you can be bad during the rest of the year. This may fool your parents, who are no doubt pitifully grateful for any nano-second of peace and quiet you give them, but it’s not fooling me. Children who practice this form of moral subterfuge are not ‘good’ in the accepted sense of the word, they’re just pretending to be good for only as long as they feel it’s necessary to achieve some monetary gain. This is not true The Spirit Of Christmas.

After watching this trend with dismay from the late Forties through early Sixties I had finally found some hope in the Hippie Generation. For awhile it seemed that people would finally begin to change their ways and adhere to principles I stand for, but alas, the Hippies (who you can call your grandparents) morphed into greedy and self-absorbed adults and have now passed down their expectations of entitlement without effort to first their children, and now you, their grandkids. My continuing to reward such avarice only makes me an enabler. It must stop now. I’ve come to realize that the last children who actually deserved anything for Christmas grew up during the Great Depression.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I must announce that I’ll be staying home this year, or more exactly, hanging out in Boca. It is pointless to write me your transparent little crayon letters expressing your hopes for Peace On Earth and a Nintendo Wii. Just how stupid do you think I am? We both know which one you’d pick if I gave you the choice of just one or the other.

Santa Claus