Santa Claus Gets GPS For Christmas, Fires Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, And Pays For It!

Unconfirmed sources report that thousands of children have woken to a major disappointment this morning as Santa has been seriously injured in a mid-air collision. Santa is in hospital this Christmas morning after colliding with a Swedish Airlines Boeing 747 late last night. The Swedish Airlines jet managed to land safely and deliver Santa to a waiting ambulance. The accident is under investigation, but witnesses indicate Santa was flying with no running lights.

“I didn’t see him until it was too late.” Admitted Horst Duebenhour, pilot of the Boeing jet liner. “We were making our final turn to line up on the runway and he appeared right in front of us. If we hadn’t had our landing lights on we would never have seen him at all. I feel awful about the whole situation and hope he makes a full recovery. We were just lucky he held onto the plane until we landed.”

Hospital officials are calling Santa’s survival a true Christmas miracle. “I can’t believe he held on like that in his condition. That Santa is made of some pretty stern stuff.” Said Santa’s doctor. Local veterinary offices indicate that Santa’s reindeer escaped the incident with only minor cuts and bruises.

The real questions facing officials this morning is ‘Where was Rudolf?’ With his nose as bright as it is how could the Airliner not have seen it?

Our sources indicate that Santa, in an attempt to cut costs, had recently invested in a sleigh mounted GPS system. With the electronic system in place Santa no longer needed Rudolph to help guide his sleigh at night. In a move that many of the Elves found heartless, Santa Fired Rudolph just days before Christmas.

“He just cast him out into the snow.” Said an Elf who wished to remain anonymous. “It was just like in the old days, poor Rudolf. The other reindeer wouldn’t let him play in any of their games or anything. This has been really hard on him. I kind of think Santa got what he deserved for firing him.”

Mrs. Clause read a statement to the media and described what measures Clause, Inc. was taking in light of the accident. FedEx, DHL, and UPS have been hired to take care of the rest of this year’s deliveries and a new sleigh equipped with running lights has be ordered. The statement did not, however, indicate that Rudolf would be rehired.