Santa Claus Issues New Rules And Regulations Regarding Christmas Gifts

MEMO FROM: KRIS KRINGLE

TO: ALL THE GOOD LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS

RE: NEW GIFT RULES AND REGULATIONS, CALENDAR YEAR 2006.

DEAR CHILDREN,

DUE TO RECENT CHANGES IN FAA REGULATIONS REGARDING CARRY ON LUGGAGE (READ- SACK FULL OF TOYS), THE FOLLOWING ITEMS WILL NOT BE DISTRIBUTED TO ANY CHILD WHO MAY HAVE REQUESTED SUCH ITEMS (READ- GIFTS). IN ADDITION, DUE TO RECENT CHANGES IN THE UNITED STATES FEDERAL INCOME TAX CODE REGARDING GIFTS AND CHARITABLE DONATIONS, VARIOUS OTHER HIGHER PRICED ITEMS (READ-GIFTS) SHALL NOT BE AVAILABLE, UNLESS THE RECIPIENT HAS PREVIOUSLY FORMED A SMALL BUSINESS (SUB-CHAPTER S) CORPORATION PRIOR TO THE END OF CALENDAR YEAR 2005. OFF SHORE CORPORATE ENTITIES ARE EXEMPT FROM THESE RESTRICTIONS:

CARRY ON PROHIBITIONS:

TOY GUNS, KNIVES, BOWS AND ARROWS, DAISY AIR RIFLES ( OR EQUIVALENT), CHEMISTRY SETS, PERFUMES, LIQUOR, JUICE, MILK OR OTHER FLUIDS, FLAMMABLE OR NON-FLAMMABLE, GOLF CLUBS, CANES, SCISSORS, NAIL FILES, ANY ITEMS MADE OF GLASS, CIGARETTE LIGHTERS, BOOK OR BOX MATCHES, ANTIHISTAMINES.

IN ADDITION, POCKET KNIVES, TOOL KITS, SKI POLES, OR ANY RIGID POLES-LIKE IMPLEMENTS ARE ALSO FORBIDDEN.

TAX CODE RESTRICTIONS REGARDING THE GIFTING OF HIGH VALUE OBJECTS:

ANY AUTOMOBILE, BOAT, SMALL PLANE OR MOTORCYCLE, 3 OR 4 WHEELER OR RECREATIONAL WATER CRAFT, AS WELL AS ANY BICYCLE WITH A VALUE OF MORE THAN $10,000.00 US (TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS) ARE PROHIBITED, UNLESS BOTH ‘GIFTER’ AND RECIPIENT HAVE FILED IRS FORM 1086-(A) BEFORE THE END OF THE CALENDAR YEAR IN WHICH THE GIFT WAS GIVEN/RECEIVED. TAXES ON SUCH ITEMS (NOT TO EXCEED 30% OF THE ACTUAL VALUE OF THE ‘GIFT’) MAY BE DUE AND PAYABLE WHEN FILING TAX RETURNS FOR THE SAID CALENDAR YEAR.

FURS, JEWELRY (INCLUDING ENGAGEMENT RINGS) AND CLOTHING ITEMS WHICH EXCEED AN ESTIMATED OR ACTUAL VALUE OF $5,000.00 US (FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS) ARE ALSO PROHIBITED, UNLESS THE PROPER FORMS ( 1086-B) ARE SUBMITTED AS IN PARAGRAPH ABOVE.

WE REGRET ANY INCONVENIENCE THIS MAY HAVE CAUSED ANY OF OUR CUSTOMERS. IF YOU HAVE REQUESTED ANY OF THE PROHIBITED ITEMS THAT WOULD NORMALLY BE DELIVERED VIA AIR TRANSPORT, PLEASE CONTACT OUR SHIPPING DEPARTMENT TO ARRANGE ALTERNATE GROUND TRANSPORT. WHEN DIALING, PLEASE PRESS #12 AT THE PROMPT.

THANK YOU,
KRIS KRINGLE
PRESIDENT AND CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER,
CLAUS INDUSTRIES, LLC.

PS. DUE TO THE RISING THREAT OF GLOBAL WARMING, NAUGHTY CHILDREN WILL NO LONGER BE RECEIVING COAL IN THEIR STOCKINGS. INSTEAD, THEY WILL RECEIVE BIO-DEGRADABLE BAGS OF ORGANIC COMPOST COMPRISED OF REINDEER EXCREMENT. THIS MAY BE USED IN SPRINGTIME GARDENING. THANK YOU.