Alaska Governor and Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced at a press conference today that she would be abandoning her bid for the Vice Presidency and resigning from her position as governor to become a stay at home mom.
Palin, an Evangelical Christian, told the media that after reading the Bible she realized that politics was no place for women. She believes that Jesus chose 12 men as his most fervent disciples because men are inherently endowed with leadership qualities that women such as herself lack. She also suddenly realized she had five children that she had been mentally abusing and neglecting by dragging them around the country and denying them social interaction with their friends.
“I don’t know what I was thinking”, Palin stated. “Could you imagine ME being the vice president or becoming president when McCain dies in office? Now, honestly, don’t you think we need a man who can deal with all those godless towel-heads and other people that we are bombing?”
Palin quietly excused herself from the press conference because she had cookies in the oven and one of her children had a scraped knee. Also, her husband Todd was complaining that his trousers needed stitching.
“A mothers work is never done”, she stated as she made her exit.
Arizona senator John McCain privately expressed dismay over his running mates sudden withdrawal from the race. “That (expletive) bitch”, McCain was overheard telling an associate.
McCain has been quietly asking other major and minor Republicans if they would be his running mate but has been rebuffed by all of them.