Fed up with politics and tired of seeing her kids getting involved with the wrong crowd, Sarah Palin announced today that she will resign as Alaska Governor and devote all her time and energy to performing her “wifely duties”.
“Todd and I haven’t had sex in three years”, Palin disclosed. “The dishes have been piling up, my kids clothes need mending, the floors are filthy and the home is falling apart”.
Palin said she received a vision from Jesus in which the savior stated, “stop making an ass of yourself”.
Her husband Todd was fully supportive of her desire to resign the governorship. “I’m sick of having to wank it all the time”, Todd revealed to an unconfirmed friend. “A woman should be at home making love to her husband. And dinner should be on the table when I get home!”
Sarah secretly confided in friends that she didn’t want Willow getting “knocked up like Bristol did”.
After the announcement Sarah and Todd went home. A media person standing outside the home heard Todd say, “Get me a beer Sarah!” As Sarah replied, “right away Todd!”
“Maybe now that she’s not going to be governor her kids will stop getting knocked up”, said a Palin spokesperson.