Spokesmen for the Republican Vice Presidential campaign of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin have revealed, that is at least after it was reported that they spent $150,000.00 on clothing for their candidate since July, that it will donate all those new clothes to charity after they lose the election. The announcement was made very loudly in order to drown out the screams and tears of Ms. Palin, who at the time had locked herself in the closet that contained the new campaign wear, swearing that that wasn’t the deal and she’ll never open the gosh darned door for anyone.
The $150,000.00 (God, I just love writing that) shopping spree, which equals $50,000.00 a month,or more than $12,000.00 a week and a bit over $1,700.00 a day (and which is almost half what I spent on clothes during the same time period), was needed, according to Unnamed McCain Campaign Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, because, “Poor Sarah dressed like a little charwoman from a Disney movie. Her clothes were all smudged with wood ash and moose blood and were about two sizes too small, which I’ll admit gave her a bustier look that was quite fetching, but not at all appropriate for a child friendly campaign.”
While it’s not unusual for a candidate’s party to kick out cash for some things- cases of flesh-colored make-up in John McCain’s case and four hundred dollar haircuts for former candidate John Edwards- dropping one hundred fifty large in three months on one woman does seem a bit…unseemly, since during that same timeframe millions of retirees and regular Americans have seen their life savings wiped out. But there ya go…if you’re going to be a Republican, you might as well go all the way.
When asked exactly which charity Ms. Palin’s clothing were to be donated to, assuming of course they could ever tear them off her back, Waterhouse, speaking on the condition that he doesn’t have to give back the pair of $520.00 Ferragamo loafers he stole from John McCain’s wardrobe trunk on the Straight Talk Express said, “We thought about something for abused women, but Sarah didn’t seem to care that all much about that as an important issue, so we’ve settled on Pit Bull Rescue.”