Scooter And The Brain: Libby, Rove Still Targets

October 17, 2005
Indications are that Valerie Plame grand jury Special Prosecutor Patrick J. Fitzgerald’s investigation is still focusing on I. Lewis (Scooter) Libby; sources close to the prosecutor are suggesting that United States Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney’s Chief of Staff may still also be a target in the case, as well as George (Dubya) Bush’s Chief of Staff Karl (Bush’s Brain) Rove. Both men have at first vehemently denied, then acknowledged the possibility, then admitted that they had spoken to Conservative Republican columnist Robert Novak, New York Times reporters Judith Miller and Matt Cooper about former Ambassador Joseph Wilson’s wife, Ms. Plame, and her role as a CIA employee. But both men are still denying that they ‘outed’ Ms. Plame as a covert operative. Speculation is growing that the investigation may proceed farther up the ladder to the Vice President himself and quite possibly even President George W. Bush.

White House officials are still denying that the Vice President or President had any knowledge of the revenge leak, saying that during the time frame in question Mr. Cheney was too busy securing no bid contracts for Halliburton in anticipation of the upcoming invasion of Iraq and President Bush was, well…quite frankly, too stupid to know what was going on. However, these denials seem to raise more questions than they answer.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “We in the White House are shocked and dismayed that one of the apparent sources of the leak was our own darling little Scooter. On the other hand, no one is surprised that Karl might have done it. Still, I want to make it clear that neither President George W. Bush or Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney had any knowledge of this leak. They certainly weren’t at a meeting when George Bush was complaining about Joseph (no nickname known, so we’ll just call him Joey) Wilson, the guy who disputed our claim about Saddam and the Niger yellowcake. They sure never heard Bush say, “Is there anyway we can fuck this asshole over?” And Dick (Dick) Cheney never answered, “You know, his wife’s a CIA undercover operative. Maybe if we ‘out’ her somehow, we can get her killed. That would sure take Wilson’s mind off of yellowcake, now wouldn’t it?” And Lewis (Scooter) Libby never said, “I’ll call Bob Novak. That asshole loves us. He’ll do it for a cheeseburger and a small fries.” And Karl Rove certainly never said, “You know, Judy Miller over at the NY Times always writes whatever we tell her to, no questions asked. I’ll feed it to her as well.”

Miller, in an effort to rebuild her journalistic credibility after helping the White House in it’s rush to war, spent eighty some odd days in jail for refusing to name her source Scooter Libby as her source even though he released her from the pledge of confidentiality along with Mr. Cooper a year ago, the dope. Novak testified immediately, citing the fact that he was allergic to prison cells.