Scooter Libby, Brian Doyle, Claude Allen and Tom DeLay

(Or: The Administration Faces The Music)

In it’s sporadic and slightly kooky quest for honesty in government, the White House has finally issued Page Four of it’s Scorecard, an attempt to keep voters informed of the wild and whacky antics of the members of the Bush Administration and their sidekicks:

Tom DeLay:

Mr. DeLay, despite winning the Republican primary for his office, has announced his retirement as Representative of Texas’s 22nd District rather than, as he put it, “Watching my ass get kicked by some Liberal in November.” Under indictment in a money laundering probe initiated by Austin prosecutor Ronnie Earle, Mr. DeLay has also been accused of illegally soliciting campaign contributions, laundering campaign contributions to influence state legislative races and the improper use of his office to influence various federal agencies. Rebuked by a House Ethics Committee at the end of September 2004 for pressuring a fellow member of the House to switch his vote on a health care bill, Mr. DeLay has also been subpoenaed to give information regarding his use of the Federal Aviation Administration to track down a plane owned by a rival Texas Democrat who fled the state rather than allow Mr. DeLay to illegally change voting district boundaries to aid his fellow Republicans. An all around good guy who’ll be missed.

Brian Doyle:

Although he was employed by the Department of Homeland Security, Mr. Doyle represents a more personal side of the Administration’s “No Child’s Left Behind” initiative. Arrested by the FBI for having sexually explicit conversations with what he assumed was a 14 year old girl in Florida, but who in reality was an FBI agent, Mr. Doyle apparently actually gave the agent posing as the girl his and his employers name and offered the number of his Homeland Security office and cell phones, sent a photograph of himself wearing his official TSA badge and offered to have Air Force One come to Florida to pick up the girl for a trip to visit his own personal “Washington Monument”. According to his lawyer, Mr. Doyle is still trying to figure out how they caught him.

Claude Allen:

Mr. Allen, until recently George Bush’s domestic policy advisor,, was arrested in suburban Maryland on charges he stole merchandise from Target and other stores, which brought in him more than $5,000 in goods that ranged from a Bose home theater system to $2.50 trinkets. Upon hearing of the arrest, Mr. Bush expressed shock and dismay, saying, “I can’t believe he got caught