Senate Surprised To Find They've Voted Texas Out Of The Union

Tucked away in the government’s recent 94.5 billion dollar emergency spending bill, which included funding for Hurricanes Rita and Katrina relief as well as money to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, was a little known and possibly completely overlooked amendment that may end up having major ramifications for the United States far beyond any military conflict or natural disaster. Several hundred pages into the bill is a measure that essentially forces the former state of Texas out of the Union in retaliation for it’s inflicting George W. Bush on the rest of the country as President.

While no one is exactly sure who inserted the amendment to the spending bill, members of the Senate in the know are speculating that Arizona Senator John McCain, with the help of his Senate colleague Russ Feingold are behind the measure. The section of the bill that deals with Border Security also calls for the “State of Texas to be returned to the Sovereign Nation of Mexico, along with appropriate apologies for our taking it in the first place. The remaining 49 United States also pledge to remove any victims of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita not from Texas to the United States Homeland and send all Texas natives currently in the U.S. back to Mexico until they can apply for the proper immigration visas or Guest Worker Cards.”

Former United States President, Senor Jorge W. Bush, was apparently shocked when five minutes after he signed the bill into law he found that due to his signature he and his family were no longer United States citizens and immediately applied for refugee status in the United States, citing the fact that most of his new countrymen would like to kill his ass if they ever got a hold of him. While one might expect this request to be easily and immediately granted, Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff has put a hold on Senor Bush’s visa, citing national security concerns. Apparently, Mr. Chertoff feels that due to his response to the natural disasters of Rita and Katrina, his pre-emptive attack on the sovereign nation of Iraq which has caused the deaths of more than 2,500 American soldiers and countless Iraqi civilians, his bankrupting of the American economy and woeful environmental record, Senor Bush represents a continuing threat to our nations security.

Mexican President Vincente Fox, accepted the return of Texas into that country’s fold with some apparent misgivings, saying, “I guess it’s okay. After all, we do get Austin and Ann Richards as well as the Dixie Chicks, but we’re not sure what to do with Bush, DeLay and that whole crowd of evildoers. Still, the Crawford Ranch should make a nifty weekend getaway place for me and my family.”