Senator Joe Lieberman Vows to End Poverty

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) announced today that he intends on ending poverty in the United States by systematically killing off poor people.

Lieberman stated that he will be siding with Republicans to filibuster the health care reform bill that Obama has vowed to sign if it reaches his desk.

“We need to eliminate poverty in this country,” Lieberman stated. “The only way to do that is to eliminate the poor and the elderly!”

Lieberman acknowledged that his plan may sound heartless but also noted, that we have to deal with our current fiscal situation logically.

“We must eliminate poor people!” Lieberman said. “Just yesterday I was in a hospital in Washington, DC that was filled to the brim with poor and elderly people. Some of them had cancer. Others had heart disease, poor circulation, kidney trouble, liver disease or had been in some kind of accident. Treatments for these things are very expensive! I suggest we put these people back on the street where they belong to free up medical resources for the wealthy and well-insured who can afford these services”.

Lieberman pointed out that in addition to health care, poor people also cost the government billions of dollars in food stamps, transportation, housing and other kinds of services.

“President Bush almost got it right during Hurricane Katrina”, Lieberman continued. “He made certain the levees were not reinforced. He made certain the poorest people had no mean of escape. Meanwhile the wealthy citizens were able to drive away and book themselves into hotels thus contributing to the economy! Because of his selfless actions the country is saving millions of dollars a year in food stamps and housing alone!”

Lieberman is writing a proposal to eliminate certain states from the United States because they are poor wage earners and do not contribute enough to maintain a healthy economy.

“Mississippi has got to go”, Lieberman declared. “And we can get rid of the Dakotas. Most people there don’t have a pot to piss in. And Wisconsin? Except for the cheese there’s nothing worthwhile there”.