Senator John McCain Plans to Eliminate Poverty

Aspiring presidential candidate John McCain announced at a fundraiser that he plans to eliminate poverty by systematically eliminating poor people.

McCain stated that poor people put a tremendous strain on our nation’s resources. An overwhelming amount of taxpayer money is spent each year on health care, housing and transportation for those who cannot afford it. He compared our current system as “no better than Communist China’s or England’s”.

“Just yesterday I visited a hospital which was full of poor people with no insurance all sick and dying.” McCain stated. “Some of them had cancer. Some had liver disease. Some were on dialysis. Some were badly injured from falls or traffic accidents. Treatments for these things are very expensive! And we’re supposed to treat them for free?”

McCain pointed out that when well-trained medical professionals treat indigent, poverty stricken people, this leaves fewer resources for the well-insured and the wealthy that can afford those services.

“President Bush almost got it right during Hurricane Katrina”, McCain stated. “He made certain that poor people could not escape the devastation. He made certain that levees were not reinforced. He prevented transportation services from enabling people to escape. As a result, we are saving millions of dollars a year on welfare payments and food stamps alone!”

McCain claimed that, if elected president, he would ensure that the poorest of the poor do not have access to medical care, transportation or other vital services.

“Once we have eliminated poverty we will once again have a prosperous and healthy nation!” McCain stated to cheers from the audience.