Embattled Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio vehemently denied today that his department engages in racial profiling because he profiles everyone regardless of race, country of origin, sexual orientation or political preference.
“It just looks like we profile Hispanics because there are so damned many of them in Arizona”, Arpaio stated. “We are on the lookout for all foreigners. For example, if one of my men stops a person with a funny French accent and that person smells bad then that person will be asked for immigration papers. The same goes for them funny sounding British folks or anyone with a funny accent”.
Arpaio claims he is simply trying to weed out the foreigners from “regular Americans”.
“I don’t care if they’re weed smoking, pinko lesbians so long as they’re here legally! Of course, if they do have weed on them then they can expect to wear pink panties and sweat their asses off!” Arpaio stated in reference to his jailhouse policy of requiring all male and female inmates to wear only pink underwear while incarcerated outside in 120 degree temperatures.
“The worst ones are some of them Canadians”, Arpaio continued. “A lot of them sound like Americans. You gotta listen real close cause they ask questions with the word ‘eh’. Like one will say ‘you’re going to the store, eh?'”
Though the overwhelming number of illegal immigrants Arpaio’s officers stop are Mexican, Arpaio claims he has also detained a number of Chinese, Japanese, Korean, German and French.
“One of my officers pulled over a lady late one morning for driving with a headlight out and my guy knew right away that she was French.
Officer Larry Paige, the officer Arpaio mentioned, recalled the incident clearly. “The lady was driving with a French license which I think is illegal in Arizona”, Paige stated. “When I asked her where she was going she said ‘I am going to ze Grand Canyawn’. I took her in and booked her a flight right back to France!”
Paige said her realized there is no law against driving with a headlight out in the morning hours but this gave him an opportunity to “weed out crime and illegal immigrants”.
“Sometimes we even stop God fearing, white, American Republicans”, Arpaio stated. “But we always let them go.”
Arpaio says he hopes he can clear his own name to avoid wearing pink underwear and swelter outside in 120 degree temperatures.