Shocked Unconfirmed Sources Editor Kamal El-Din Admits: "It's All Lies!"

Unconfirmed Sources Editors are reportedly said to be shocked to find out that none of the stories veteran writer Chuck Terzella has posted on the prestigious news site were true. In the wake of the allegations, which came to light as a result of the investigations into the failings of the government response to Hurricane Katrina, Kamal El-din, founder of Unconfirmed Sources, has been quoted as saying, ” God, this is worse than the Jason Blair scandal at the New York Times last year. I mean, you expect the Times to lie, but this magazine holds itself to a much higher standard. This could devastate us.”

El-Din continued, “I was wondering where he got his information, but it just seemed to be so…true. You mean George Bush is really a good guy and the war in Iraq is going well? None of what he wrote was based in fact? That little bastard sure blew sunshine up our skirts.”

El-Din said he’s gone back and reviewed every article ever posted on the news site with an eye to determining their accuracy and found out that absolutely none of the stories on the website were true. As a result, Unconfirmed Sources will have to cease publication until a full investigation is completed. El-Din was heard to exclaim from his office on the thirty-fifth floor of the US Towers, Building One, “Lies! All of these stories are lies! What the hell is going on? People are treating my site like it’s some sort of…I don’t know, satire magazine or something. I’m ruined!”

Mr. Terzella has gone into hiding at 310 Park Place in Utica, New York, second floor, fourth bedroom on the right. Apparently it was Mr. Terzella’s article about Laura Bush marrying a dope that triggered the probe. In the story Mr. Terzella implied that Mrs. Bush had stopped smoking marijuana and that she loved her children. It was an allegation that was too absurd to be true and turned out to be the straw that broke the camels back.

Other Unconfirmed Sources writers, Walidand Ed E. Druckman have blamed Mr. Terzella’s slip for ruining a good thing and have hired Antonin Scalia to crush his civil rights in retaliation.