Houston, Texas (APE) – Lawyers for convicted Enron felon Jeffrey Skilling admitted today that rather than pursue a long drawn out appeal, he was considering death as an option to avoid further prosecution and civil charges over his role in the collapse of Enron. They stated that Skilling had taken into consideration the best interests of himself and his family after witnessing the dismissal of charges today against fellow convicted conspirator and former boss Kenneth Lay following his untimely death on vacation in Colorado.
Local authorities were not put on a suicide watch as lawyers assured them that Skilling was simply considering an offshore death declaration for tax and legal purposes.
Federal authorities stated that there was little they could do, should Skilling’s legal team pursue having him declared legally dead via a coroner’s mailbox drop in Aruba.
Skilling’s legal team was already researching the possibility of a reversal of the conviction of their client, citing the unconstitutionality of imprisonment of the deceased.
The offshore death shelter scheme proposed by Skilling’s legal defense team has become increasingly popular with the newly enriched of America thanks to tax cuts that the Bush administration is seeking to make permanent. Islands such as the Arubas and the Bahamas, which have long been tax shelters for the wealthy and famous, are seeing an increase in tourist travel, and visits to the coroners of key cities have quadrupled. Of note, President George W. Bush has become perhaps the latest to pursue a death shelter in the South American country of Paraguay with a multimillion dollar land purchase and a rumored death certificate in hand, citing alcoholic cirrhosis as a cause of death.
Republican congressional leaders have cited this trend as all the more reason to push for their proposed revocation of inheritance taxes, or, as they have preferred to refer to them, “death taxes”. “It is truly a sad state of affairs in this country,” stated anti-tax activist Grover Norquist, “when some of the best and brightest in America must consider an untimely death rather than face the prospect of accountability.”