Washington, DC (APE) – Authorities in the GOP late today admitted that charismatic GOP presidential candidate John McCain, affectionately known as “Dim John-shill” may have indeed suffered a stroke as long as one month ago and died. The anonymous sources confirmed that there was ample evidence to suggest that he had simply been replaced by one of a number of body doubles.
Supporters and pundits alike agreed that this may account for the erratic judgment that has been witnessed in the last month from the McCain campaign, up to and including the bizarre appointment of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as running mate.
“He may very well have succumbed to a combination of alcohol and the malignant melanoma that he has battled for most of his adult life,” stated an anonymous campaign representative. “All I can say is it’s pretty clear that this is not the John McCain that I supported and worked for in 2004.”
If indeed John-shill has passed away, this leaves the leadership of the GOP very much up for grabs, as the party itself is very divided over his vice presidential appointment, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. Security is reportedly very tight around Mrs. Palin at this point in time.
Tappley Entertainment in Coppell, Texas, representatives for one of the more successful McCain impersonators, one Bud Greedly, admited that Mr. Greedly had disappeared in breech of contract almost a month ago. “We lose people fairly often,” said a Tappley spokesperson, “But we almost never lose somebody imitating somebody on the rise in popularity. Bud, if you’re out there, be careful… let us know if you’re safe.”
The McCain campaign vehemently denied rumors of the senator’s demise and chalked them up to “more static and noise from the angry left”.