South Carolina Man Couldn't Care Less About Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett or Mark Sanford

Gabe Jenkins, a 45-year-old South Carolina truck driver, claimed he really has no interest in the stories surrounding the deaths of Michael Jackson or Farrah Fawcett or the marital infidelities of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford.

“I got other things on my mind”, Jenkins stated. “I got three kids who like to eat and a wife who likes to buy herself pretty things. I’ve got a damn mortgage payment and gophers eating up my front yard. I don’t give a damn about no dead singer or actress. And if the governor wants to fly off to some poor country and have sex with some Argentine belly dancer who gives a shit”.

Jenkins wife claimed she was planning to divorce her husband because of his heartless and uncaring attitude toward the more fortunate. “He never did like Michael, an obviously distraught Peggy Sue Jenkins told the media. “He’d rather get drunk and listen to C&W. And he was always complaining that Farrah’s tits was too small. Then he told me that he didn’t give a damn about what our governor did”.

Other people throughout the country have expressed disinterest in either Farrah, Michael or Mark but this is the first known instance of anyone not caring about all three.

Psychiatrists interviewed claim Jenkins is selfish and self absorbed. One psychiatrist, who asked not to be named, suspected that Jenkins is a closeted sociopath, possibly with murderous tendencies.

“How can anyone not feel grief or bewilderment at a time like this?” the psychiatrist asked. “I would like to check the woods behind his house for bodies!”