South Dakota Man Couldn't Care Less About Tiger Woods


Leroy Jenkins, an unemployed 34 year old truck driver from Jackson, South Dakota, claims he couldn’t care less about Tiger Woods’ recent car accident or his extramarital affairs with Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, Kalika Moquin, Mindy Lawton, Jamie Junger, Cori Rist and Holly Sampson among others.

Jenkins claims that his wife, family and uncertain job situation take priority over the scandal plagued golfer. “I got two kids to feed. My wife is supporting us now. I don’t have a lick of sympathy or concern for some billionaire golfer who has sex with women. He’s a golfer. Let him play golf!” Jenkins declared.

Jenkins said he read about the misfortune of the world’s most famous golfer but he has mostly ignored everything he has read. “I’d rather sit home and have a cold beer than read any more about him”, Jenkins admitted.

A recent Gallop poll revealed that Jenkins is not alone is his ambivalence toward Woods with nearly 3% of all respondents also saying they had not interest in the story.

May Woodruff, a 68 year old Wisconsin housewife says she “feels bad” for Woods but had no other feelings one way or the other. An unidentified woman from Catonsville, MD allegedly asked a reporter, “who’s he?”

Stony Brook University Psychiatrist Eric Von Sydow said that in these uncertain economic times people are more selfish than usual and they are giving their own small lives precedence over the more fortunate.

“Just last week I had a patient who says she didn’t care about Michael Jackson’s death!” Von Sydow claimed.