In an effort to maximize profits, Southwest Airlines announced today that not only will they charge fat people for two seats but they also insist that two very thin people share a single seat.
“Thin people in coach or business class have too much room”, said Southwest spokesperson Linda Rutherford. “We see no reason why they can’t share a seat”.
Rutherford pointed out that a standard seatbelt can easily cover two people and there would not be any safety hazards involved. Rutherford indicated that this will also provide protection for children and flying midgets.
“As a matter of fact”, Rutherford continued, “it would be safer because in the event of air turbulence we wouldn’t have one little skinny guy flopping around in that huge seat”.
4’9″, 109 pound frequent flier Ralph Jenkins objected to the new program. “I have been kicked around my whole life for being too small and skinny”, Jenkins complained. “Just as I thought I was enjoying the one benefit of being small they slap this on me!”
Rutherford did indicate that small people sharing a seat would enjoy a 30% price reduction.
Meanwhile, some very fat people started to picket outside Southwest’s headquarters but they tired out and went home after half an hour.