Special Ed-E-torial: Britney Spears Wants A Shoulder To Cry On. Try mine!

(New York–NY) Welcome Dear Friends and Respected Enemies and, yes, you too George Bush. It’s the Special Ed-E-torial! Or as we like to call it: “The one where we give Britney Spears a Shoulder To Cry On.”

(Los Angeles-CA) Kevin Federline claims to have a four-hour videotape of him and former wife Britney Spears having sex. Four hours? And you divorced him, Britney? A source close to Federline says he may sell the marathon sex romp if his divorce settlement demands aren’t met. The potential price, $65 million. In a related note, a four-hour tape made by Donald Rumsfeld of him and George Bush intimately planning the military success in Iraq is being sold by Rumsfeld on eBay for a “Buy It Now” price of 65 cents.

Okay. What’s the deal with me offering B. Spears my shoulder to cry on? Anyone who visits MySpace blog knows my heart, or at least my glans, belongs to Paul Zahn. Well, let’s face it. Britney Spears isn’t exactly an opened box of matzo three weeks after Passover. And how often do you know exactly a woman’s neither region hirsute quotient before you even get there?

The truth is that it’s not my shoulder to cry on. It’s a fun novelty product. That you can get here. I know what my three fans are thinking. It didn’t take Ed long to sell out. Again, fans, please! Look at the production value of my Vlog.

It’s just that I was drinking in a bar one night, feeling really great about my two-hundred and tenth year as one of the senior obit writers for The New York Times. My sinuses were all clogged from the alcohol (If you want to send me some, Jim Beam.), and a guy next to me thought I was crying. Okay, maybe I saw Paula Zahn on CNN, and the want was too much and MAYBE uncontrollable sobbing ensued. That’s when the guy laid a Shoulder To Cry On me.

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