Washington, DC (UPSI) – A spokesperson for the FBI, speaking under condition of anonymity, today admitted that a surveillance sex tape featuring disgraced New York Governor Elliot Spitzer and his preferred call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre had indeed been leaked online. Popular filesharing websites stated that their servers rapidly became clogged with requests for the explicit video, which reportedly features Dupre, referred to as “Kristen” indulging in some of Spitzer’s darkest fantasies. The FBI spokesperson cautioned Internet users against downloading files from un-trustworthy sources, to protect against hacking or possible identity theft.
“The safest thing to do would be to simply download from our new official pay site that we are unveiling along with the leak,” stated the FBI spokesperson. “We’re betting that this will be a very popular moneymaker for the Bureau during these prerecession times.”
The spokesperson boasted that for $19.95 per month, registered users and sex offenders would have access to all of the latest celebrity and politician sexcapades thanks to cutting edge technology and data mining in conjunction with the Protect America Act.
“You know who you are, and so do we,” laughed the spokesperson. “We’re featuring some never before seen diaper footage from Louisiana Senator Vitter, and the first known stall tap dance encounter from Idaho Senator Larry Craig, even before the Minneapolis airport incident. If you thought you were shocked over Eliot Spitzer, wait until you see the White House archive available to our VIP level users.”
The spokesperson went on to say that the new website was a creative and entrepreneurial endeavor on the part of the FBI to defray expenses for its data mining and domestic surveillance programs. Evidence that is unrelated to ongoing investigations, unable to warrant prosecution, or might otherwise not be admissible in court can now be used to assist the bureau in upgrading it’s deteriorated information systems.
“Legally we’re on firm ground with this,” concluded the FBI spokesperson. “With the advent of Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites, the bar for what is considered privacy for the individual has been significantly lowered. Anyone participating in such activities has essentially acquiesced to a higher degree of scrutiny, and the technology available has made it much easier to do so.”