Stem Cell Veto Uncovers Controversial Top Secret Government Snowflake Baby Program

Washington, DC (Rotters) – The New York Times is reporting today on the existence of a top secret cloning and stem cell development program under the auspices of the NIH, the day after President Bush vetoed a controversial yet popularly supported bill that would extend government support for stem cell use and research. Anonymous sources within the NIH informed Times reporters that the secret program had remained active and had indeed expanded throughout Bush’s tenure with the full support of the White House.

Dubbed “Operation Blizzard”, the program worked in conjunction with fertility clinics nationwide as well as “snowflake baby” activists to warehouse and pool embryos which would otherwise be slated for destruction.

The Times source stated that the government, working over the past five years in secrecy, had been able to advance its knowledge of cloning and stem cell techniques exponentially. The source claimed that human cloning and organ harvesting was now bordering upon being a routine procedure.

White House sources angrily denied the story, but stated that the Department of Justice had been informed of the apparent leak to the Times. The White House again chastened the Times for what they called “playing around irresponsibly in national security issues. Perhaps adding some credence to the story, White House sources then stated that it was common practice for the government to “hedge its bets”, particularly when a very potentially lucrative technology is concerned.

President Bush, in a largely closed and private ceremony yesterday, signed a veto of a proposed bill from Congress that would expand research into stem cells. He was surrounded by dozens of toddlers, mostly male, all of whom were products of “snowflake baby” activists. “Snowflake Baby” is a term used to describe a frozen embryo, and this particular national group of activists strive to make sure that each embryo develops into a viable child.

Bush, holding a child, the product of the snowflake baby program, stated that he was vetoing the bill on moral grounds. “I just want everyone to look around here today,” stated Bush. “Just look at all of these bright eyed little boys and girls who may otherwise never have seen life. Each one is a potential leader of America.”

The Times stood resolutely behind its story and sources. They stated that they had already been contacted by an unnamed cable television network that wished to produce a movie about the facts of the story. The Times stated that the project was a work in progress with a working title of “The Boys from Crawford”.

In a possibly related development, the White House today also announced that Vice President Dick Cheney would be absent for the next week as he checks into Bethesda Hospital in Maryland for what was described as a routine heart procedure.