Stem Cells, Terror Cells And The NAACP Is A Hard Sell: Unconfirmed Sources News Briefs 7/22/06

George Bush: Who Cares How Many Lebanese And Israelis Die As Long As Stem Cells Are Safe?

United States President George W. Bush this week issued his first veto in the fucking eternity that his term in office has become. The issue was the government funding of life saving stem cell research and the reason for the veto was that Mr. Bush’s normal practice of the use of ‘signing statements’, of which he’s issued some 750 since he took office, just wouldn’t work in this case. Quoted as saying stem cell research was tantamount to “murder”, Mr. Bush blithely condemned tens of thousands of sufferers of MS, Alzheimer’s and spinal cord injuries whom such research would help to terrible pain and eventual death. Man, you know your either really hardcore or completely insane when even a Mormon like Oren Hatch thinks you’re over the top.

I’ll Bet Lebanon Wishes It Had More Stem Cells:

In a sadly related story (it’s not really, but I had to do something once I put Lebanon and Israel in the other headline) Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said this week that she and George Bush oppose an immediate cease fire in the current Israel/Lebanon conflict, intimating that it would be pretty cool if Israel had another week or so of bombing and invasion under it’s belt first. While it’s true that Hezbollah started this latest round of unmitigated death and destruction (which is nothing compared to Iraq on it’s best day), Israel is far ahead in points, that is if you consider dead Lebanese and Israeli civilians “points”. Happily, Israel has also destroyed a great deal of civilian infrastructure like electrical stations and water lines, so at least at night, the Lebanese can’t really see the destruction and dead bodies. Here’s a suggestion: Why don’t both of you assholes just stop fucking shooting at each for a minute and think about it? God.

Bush To NAACP: “We Republicans Just Love The Stuffing Out Of You Black Folks!”

President Bush was shocked to learn recently that America, far from being all White and suddenly Latino, is also just bursting with Blacks. However, to his credit, as soon as Condoleezza Rice mentioned it to him he hurried to address the NAACP, his first visit to that group during his reign. Saying, “Jeez, I’m sorry I missed the fact that you guys even existed, at least until Katrina, but I’ve been really busy.”, Mr. Bush went on to say that the Republican Party was no longer the “Party of Lincoln”, but this was not so much an admission as a warning.