Steve Jobs Reports Reality Distortion Field Malfunction at Apple

Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced that the Apple Reality Distortion Field has suffered a series of temporary outages over the last few weeks. Jobs made the admission during a conference call with investors and Wall Street analysts. The news came as no surprise as many suspected the recent iPhone pricing uproar was related to RDF problems. Jobs made assurances that while the RDF was still down, it would be fixed shortly. Apple stock surged on the news and ended up for the week.

Apple watchers are speculating that the RDF’s problems are related to the computer that controls the field. Rumor has it that, the system was recently updated to run Mac OS X Leopard and could to be having some problems. Official Apple spokesmen refused to confirm the that a Leopard upgrade was the root of the problem, but said the problems would be worked out quickly.

“I personally don’t think Leopard has anything to do with,” says RDF Field expert and tech guru John C. Dvorak, of “I know these guys…the real problem is that they just cranked the thing up too high and broke it. Look, they gut a bunch of mediocre products coming down the pipe and laggings sales of their ‘uber phone’ so a group of guys sitting around an office decide to crank it up to 11. I know these guys, I know how they operate. They just bunch of yahoos who broke their toy.

Reality Distortion Field measuring equipment set up near Apple’s Cupertino headquarters show that as of late last night the Apple RDF was operating at about 50% of normal strength.