Study Reveals, Most News Stories are Fraudulent

A 6 year, $32 million, government funded study has shown that over 92% of news stories in most major newspapers are loaded with half truths, misquotes, facts taken out of context and outright lies.

“I admit, I have had a tendency to embellish the truth and have fabricated a few stories”, admitted Unconfirmed Sources writer Nick Fun. “If you look closely you will see some grains of truth but also a lot of stuff I just made up from whole cloth”.

Fun pointed out that even reputable newspapers such as the Washington Post, LA Times, NY Times, Boston Globe and even the Associated Press tend to write fabrications passed off as ‘news’ stories.

“You see, newspapers are in the business of selling newspapers”, Fun continued. “Frequently the real news is not so interesting or provides a stance contradictory to the views of the paper so they will report things that didn’t happen or will twist the story to make it more newsworthy”.

Fun pointed out some of his own stories that had little basis in truth. “I recently wrote a story about Chelsea Clinton planning to lose her virginity on her wedding night.(Here) Much of the story was true such as she was getting married, her new husband is Marc Mezvinsky and her father Bill has slept with many women. However, I strongly doubt that she’s a virgin by any means and has probably slept with plenty of men”.

Fun says he regrets the errors in the story but also suggested that so long as a reporter corrects himself he can avoid a lawsuit.

“You see in most newspapers there will be a correction page, usually page 12 or 16. Someplace where few people will read”, Fun continued.

Fun also pointed out that few politicians can be bothered suing newspapers because there is too much at stake and the politicians do not want their reputations tarnished.

Clever readers will surmise which parts of this story are true and which are bullshit.