Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts Calls On George W. Bush To Fire Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.

Just days after being nominated by President George Bush to replace retiring Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, DC Circuit Court Judge John Roberts has thrown the White House a curveball by saying two of the Administrations top strategists should resign or be fired. Speaking to reporters during a round of courtesy calls on members of the Senate in Washington DC, Judge Roberts opined that given the situation involving the leaking of Valerie Plame’s name to the media, the two major suspects in the treasonous affair should resign; if not, Judge Roberts said, they should be dismissed.

As a stunned White House minder tried to separate Mr. Roberts from the gathered press corps, the DC Circuit Court Judge loudly proclaimed that all true Conservative Republicans should band together to demand that President George W. Bush adhere to the core values of the Party. Those values, according to Judge Roberts, were the pursuit of truth in government, a belief that while morality in government was essential, any one religious faith had no more standing than another and finally, large corporate donors were the lifeblood of the Party.

” I don’t buy all this crap about God being the end all and be all of the Party. The GOP is much bigger than any one religion. Look at India, they’re not a Christian country, but in the eyes of the Administration and the GOP in general all those Hindus and Muslims are the wave of the future. Why else would George Bush send all of America’s high paying tech jobs there if it weren’t true? And take the Chinese…they’re certainly not a Christian nation but in the next fifty years they’re poised to be the next great Superpower, especially after the current Administration bankrupts our own country. So therefore, in the whole scheme of global geo-politics, religion is completely unimportant.”

Evangelical Groups expressed outrage at Justice Roberts comments. While admitting that they’re certainly a whole lot of Hindus an Muslims in India, they did take issue with Mr. Roberts characterization of the GOP as being interested in truth in government. Outside the Capitol building, as his child shaded in a coloring book of aborted fetuses, one Evangelical Right To Life protester said, ” Our ministries certainly do not want truth in government. I know it (honesty) sounds nice, but we have a secret agenda and in order to keep it secret we have to lie about it. Lying is our way of achieving the greater good, which is that it’s okay to be dishonest in order to bring God’s Truth into the lives of every American, whether they want it or not.”

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” You know, this is typical of the way things are going in the Administration these days…Rumsfeld says the war is going well, the Pentagon says everything sucks. Bush says the economy is getting better and the DOW drops a hundred and ten points in fifteen minutes. George Bush spends three months touting Social Security Reform and more people at the end hate it than at the beginning. Sometimes I wish I had voted for Kerry.”