“Law enforcement authorities will now be able to enter a dwelling or search or impound a vehicle regardless of the circumstances” said Chief Justice John Roberts. “The Fourth Amendment was written at a time when people had little to hide. Today we have drugs, drunken drivers, hard drives and other things that our founding fathers never foresaw”.
Speaking for the dissent, Associate Justice Clarence Thomas, who rarely issues an opinion or even speaks, stated, “I don’t want no honky ass cop coming into my crib and stealing my stash — whatever that stash may or may not be”.
Roberts 36 page opinion stated that the word “unreasonable” has been interpreted out of existence so that any time a police officer feels the desire to enter a home his actions can be defined as reasonable.
“We live in a time of terrorist activity”, Roberts continued. “To assure that people feel safe in their homes we must open our homes to police searches anytime and for any reason”.
Not everyone was enthusiastic about the ruling. “If I see a cop coming to my house without a warrant I’m going to exercise my second amendment rights and blow his brains out!” said Alabama motorcycle shop owner Jesse Greenbelt.
The justices stated that several other amendments to the Bill of Rights have also become obsolete and they will be ruling on them in the near future.)