Suspected Second North Korean Nuclear Test Not Linked to Quake

Tokyo, Japan (Rotters) – Tokyo scientists early this morning stated that after a review of the data, a small earthquake in the north of Japan did not account for the tracing ascribed to a possible second North Korean nuclear blast. They now claim that the faint tremors were different from the small earth quake, and did, in actuality, originate from the same location that North Korea earlier on Monday claimed to have detonated a nuclear device.

The faint, largely undetected shock waves on Wednesday were several orders of magnitude below those detected on Monday following North Korea’s reputed nuclear test. Critics have debated the magnitude of the initial shockwaves on Monday, largely stating that they revealed a very small yield nuclear explosion at best, or more likely a failed experiment.

The North Korean government has remained close lipped in regards to details on either purported blast, but insists that it now has nuclear capabilities and has intimated that it could possibly launch a nuclear tipped missile.

An anonymous CIA source today stated that the agency now believes that the Monday test was indeed a “dud”. They stated that undercover sources within the North Korean government claimed that charismatic leader Kim Jong-Il was very visibly upset over the failure of the device on Monday, and on Wednesday went into a tantrum over the news of announced unilateral sanctions by the United States, and the failure of scientists to produce a second test in a timely manner. CIA sources speculated that this tantrum may have indeed been what was detected by supersensitive Japanese monitoring devices.

Late Tuesday, the United States announced unilateral sanctions against North Korea designed to punish its leadership rather than its downtrodden and impoverished population. Major US corporations have announced voluntary boycotts of marketing in North Korea at the request of the US government. Upjohn, the manufacturer of Rogaine will cease all sales and imports to the country, as will Jack Daniels Inc. Also, the international men’s hair restoration companies Hair Club for Men and Avacor-USA will cease all activities with the country.

A spokesman for North Korea speaking through a Beijing-based official stated “Sanctions are nonsense. But if the United States insists on following through with this, Kim Jong-Il will consider it a declaration of war.”