Switzerland Sues Johnson and Johnson over Red Cross

Bern, Switzerland (Rotters) – Late this evening, Swiss President Micheline Calmy-Rey announced that Switzerland would be pursuing a lawsuit for damages with the American medical supply company Johnson & Johnson, who had earlier announced a lawsuit against the American Red Cross seeking lost income, punitive damages, and an agreement to cease using what it claimed was their patented Red Cross logo. Calmy-Rey also announced that effective immediately the biggest national Bank, Credit Suisse would be ordered to freeze all assets of Johnson & Johnson that it held.

“Everyone knows that the Swiss, and our proud cross flag stand for neutrality, aid and help in all forms, and obscene wealth,” stated President Calmy-Rey. “It has been this way worldwide for centuries before anyone even began selling medical supplies. Johnson & Johnson has grown and profited to the point that it has blurred this boundary, encroaching upon and threatening to steal the very identity of our country. What the American Red Cross and other international agencies bearing our symbol have done, on the other hand, has lent a positive image to our humble country’s time-honored traditions, and they certainly have posed no financial threat. We resent that Johnson & Johnson seems to be seeking to profit unfairly from our well-established reputation for financial stability.”

A spokesperson for Johnson & Johnson dismissed the country’s lawsuit out of hand. “There is no encroachment here,” stated the spokesperson, “and we will fight this lawsuit to the end. Our symbol that the Red Cross has profited from, is by definition a “Red Cross” on a white background. The Swiss symbol is a white cross on a red background, a clear difference, and certainly not a source of confusion for the average person. If the Swiss persist with this ridiculously opportunistic lawsuit, we will prevail. We would look forward to the acquisition of Swiss Army Knives, and all related gear and apparel.”

In a related story, international aid agency, the Red Crescent Organization, has announced that it is considering a lawsuit against the country of Turkey over defamation of character.