Technology Probes The Secrets of Destroyed American Document

Washington, DC (Rotters) – A team of US and British experts gave a presentation this weekend upon the advances that they have made in deciphering the ashes of a 200 year-old American document written upon hemp paper and destroyed recently. The remains of the document were found buried on the east lawn of the White House after the president’s dog Barney had dug them up from his sandbox.

Experts agreed that while the document did appear to be over 200 years old, there were traces of what appeared to be an accelerant present, possibly some type of aged ethanol, leading them to believe that the document had been destroyed very recently. Much of the technological work was undertaken in an effort to recover legible text from the ashes, which had been further degraded by dog urine.

Researchers stated that they have been successful in recovering text from the blackened, fragile ashes. They stated that the document appears to be a treatise reconciling philosophical concerns with the earliest form of American government.

“This is an important find,” stated one researcher, “it gives us an important insight into what might have been the original thinking of our founding fathers which seems to have been lost in various government redactions over the past few years or so.”

The Bush administration has denied any knowledge in regards to the fate of the mysterious document. President Bush related that he had only recently heard of the existence of the document’s remains from reporters pursuing the story. He described the unfolding story of the destruction of the document as “troubling”, and vowed that the administration would release a full report upon the conclusion of the investigation. Bush further vowed that if there was any significance that could be assigned to the document after the investigation and a responsible party was identified, the administration would deal with them.