Unconfirmed sources report a large group of guerilla fighters loyal to Dailykos have been captured just outside Falluja, Iraq. The Kosians have been fighting a protracted battle against coalition forces inside Iraq and on the Internet. It is unclear if the group’s charismatic leader, Kos to his warped followers, is among the captured terrorists.
“We have dealt a serious blow to the insurgents.” Said White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “Kos and his inner circle, the Kos Dozen, are now a spent force. We have shattered their organization on the ground in Iraq and will be going after their Internets presence any day now.”
“Dailykos has been a real thorn in the side of the Bush administration and its destruction marks a real achievement in the war on terror.” Said Texas strong man Tom Delay. “They have been attacking American forces in Iraq and raising tremendous amounts of money on the Internets to fund insurgent activities In Iraq and in America. They are a key player in the world wide network of terror.”
“Great news! Great news!” Said Vice-president Dick Cheney. “The Dailykos has been a lynch pin in the funding schemes of Al Qaida and other terror groups. We have detailed information that links that bastard Kos directly to Osama Bin-Laden and Sadam Hussein. We also have rock solid proof that Kos has been trying to acquire weapons of mass destruction that they intended to use on American soil. I just hope that Kos is among the bastards we caught.”
“The Dailykos organization is what we call a ‘terror nexus.’ They make the link between your garden-variety radical agitators and the full on terror groups like Al Qaida and the DNC.” Explained terror expert Luna Teak, of the Teak Center on Terror and The People. “Breaking up the Dailykos has been a high priority for the Bush administration. I’m glad that they have gotten the Kosian ground fighters in Iraq, but the battle isn’t over yet. I’m somewhat surprised that John Ashcroft hasn’t gone after the groups servers and hosting infrastructure. They must be monitoring the site to gather more radicals when they take the stateside organization down.”
The site www.dailykos.com is still active as Unconfirmed Sources goes to press, but we anticipate that the organizations Internet operations will be closed down within hours. Our Department of Justice sources also indicate that all people who have posted to or visited the site will be apprehended and sent to Guantanamo Bay for ‘processing.’