Texas Governor Rick Perry Legalizes Murder

Texas governor Rick Perry announced today that certain types of murder are legal in the state of Texas so long as a governor, court or judge says so.

Perry cited news stories of convicted felons who were found to be innocent after they’ve been executed or died in prison as examples of the legalized murder program. He also noted that innocent people trying to escape poverty in Mexico should be shot on site without the shooter fearing arrest.

“I’m not going to let that Hank Skinner guy go just because there’s no evidence he committed the crime!” Perry defiantly declared. “He was convicted, whether rightfully or not, and he should die!”

Perry was referencing the near-execution of Hank Skinner, a man currently on Texas Death Row despite obvious faulty evidence and strong evidence he could not have possibly committed the crime. The Supreme Court halted the execution despites Perry’s protests.

Perry did pardon convicted rapist Timothy Cole when the real rapist stepped forward and admitted to the crime. However, Cole had been dead 11 years at the time of the pardon.

Perry has encouraged the immediate killing of Mexicans trying to cross the border along the parched desert between Mexico and Texas. “Most of our citizens have guns and I encourage them to use them!” Perry stated.

In another instance, a 63 year old man was acquitted of killing three unarmed children because they were trying to steal his junk food out of his trailer. Perry endorses the killing of children if they interfere with an elders lifestyle.

“Some people just deserve to die!” Perry said.