Unconfirmed sources has received a working draft of the President’s Inaugural address. While examining the documents our experts were able to decipher a large number of notes and questions written in the margins of the speech. The notes look to be the handwriting of the President and shed a new light on the concerns the President had while drafting the address.
What follows below are selected passages of the text, followed by the notes that were in the margin next to the passage.
Democratic reformers facing repression, prison, or exile can know: America sees you for who you are: The future leaders of your free country.
“Does this mean we have to let the Guantanamo Bay prisoners run for elected office here in the US?”
We will encourage reform in other governments by making clear that success in our relations will require the decent treatment of their own people.
“Does this mean I have to stick it to those damn Chinese bastards who keep dumping cheap slave produced goods in this country?”
Our country has accepted obligations that are difficult to fulfill, and would be dishonorable to abandon.
Are you talking about Iraq? I told you fuckers not to talk about Iraq in this crappy speech!
The rulers of outlaw regimes can know that we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: “Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves; and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it.”
“Does this mean I get a pass on all this crap because I’m a Jesus freak?”
We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation: The moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right.
“Hey wait a minute, I like Putin. He is my kind of guy. Does this mean we can’t be buddies any more?”
So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.
“Can I say something like “except for our friends and trading partners?” We don’t want Russia, China, Pakistan, Uzbekistan and Israel and the others to get the idea that we are actually going to do something to them, do we?”
Unconfirmed sources experts are continuing to examine the documents.