United States President George W. Bush asked Congress today for an additional eighty billion dollars to fund the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Democrats in Congress and the Senate have demanded an accurate accounting from the Administration as to where all the money is going, given the fact that troops still are short on armored vehicles and personal body armor, as well as in some extreme cases, water and Power Ball lottery tickets.
White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, when questioned by the White House press corps about what the money would be used for answered, “You know, stuff. We plan on having a complete accounting just as soon as we can make one up…I mean, not make one up…that would be wrong. Making things up is a bad thing and we in the Administration would never be bad. Remember this is the Reign of George the Good, not George the Bad. So when I say we’ll be making up an accounting I mean that in only a good way, not a bad way, because bad is not good, it’s bad and well, there you are.”
When the assembled press corps pointed out that Mr. McClellan actually didn’t answer the question as to what the money would be used for, Mr. McClellan reiterated, “You know, stuff.” As usual, the assembled press corps, after their initial potential stab at being actual reporters were completely satisfied this response, after which they all went out for drinks and brunch as they waited for the Pentagon to give them the name of the next war to support.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” You know, I don’t understand it. Everybody should be used to this by now. Every couple of months we’re gonna put in a request for fifty, sixty, eighty billion…whatever we want and we’re gonna get it. We own the Senate and Congress. Anyway, the American people wanted this war, at least they did after we told them they wanted it. They reelected George Bush and the trade off was we’ll pack the Supreme Court with Anti Gay, Anti Abortion judges and in return we get to do whatever the hell we want in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as North Korea, Syria and Iran. If World Domination bankrupts America, then so be it. Anyway, we in the Administration will still be rich, so who cares?”