I haven’t written anything political in awhile…nothing’s been very funny if you’re an American. But the 2012 elections are heating up and there’s finally a cast of characters (and I do mean characters) all lining up to entertain us, and for free too. I can finally cancel that subscription to cable TV that I thought of buying- if I had any money to afford things like cable TV subscriptions- because all the good comedy for the next year will be paid for by the GOP and delivered free, over and over and over again. So here’s the list of declared, nearly declared and possibly declared (it gets so confusing sometimes) Republican candidates:
Mitt Romney (former one term Mormon Governor of Massachusetts and a man with so many positions on every issue that you can just sorta pick the one you like best)
Ron Paul (Episcopalian and Libertarian- the latter of which is probably more of a religion to him than the former- Congressman from Texas)
Michelle Bachman (Evangelical Congresswoman from Minnesota and a woman that really makes me feel good about myself- every time I feel down I think, ‘well, at least I’m not her)
Rick Perry (Evangelical Governor of Texas)
Jon Huntsman (former Governor of Utah and Ambassador to China under Barack Obama and possibly a Jack Mormon…or a true Mormon…he’s a little hazy on the details and since the LDS is really hazy on all details there’s no use asking them)
Sarah Palin (Evangelical .5 Governor of Alaska and well, Sarah Palin. Who really needs to say more?). But wait! (Ms. Palin certainly is) There’s also:
Newt Gingrich (Randy ten term former Speaker of the House and three term married man who loves government so much he once shut it down completely, a Baptist who converted to Roman Catholicism because let’s face it, if your gonna believe in God you may as well go all the way).
And of course there are so many more (oh, good): It seems the GOP (Greedy Old People) are casting their net far and wide in their speculations about who else might wanna throw their tusks and ears into the ring. We’ve also got:
Roy Moore (Baptist and former Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court)
Lindsey Graham (Southern Baptist and South Carolina Senator, a Colonel in the Air Force Reserve and probably one of the sanest members of this particular PAC…uh, pack).
I’m not gonna bother you by bold-facing …right now anyway…any of the other people whose religion I was too bored to find out (and I mention their religions since everybody in the GOP seems to think that your beliefs in God are far more important than your beliefs on government policy) like:
Vern Wuensche (owner of Houston’s third oldest construction company)
Thad McCotter (Congressman from Michigan and the former lead guitarist for a band called The New Flying Squirrels- as good an endorsement as there gets)
Andy Martin (online Obama “Birther”)
Joe Scarborough (former Republican Congressman from Florida that I have nothing to say about)
Allen West (former Lieutenant-Colonel of the Army who resigned after firing his weapon while four of his soldiers were beating Iraqi police officer Yahya Jhodri Hamoodi during an interrogation-“It’s possible that I was wrong about Mr. Hamoodi”, he later admitted)
Buddy Roemer (Louisiana Governor)
Rick Santorum (two-term senator from Pennsylvania)
John Bolton, (the creepiest former U.S. Ambassador ever)
Rudy Giuliani (former New York City Mayor),
or any of the other fiery intellects, real or imagined, that the fringes of the GOP has to offer. If any of these guys actually say anything worth repeating we’ll let ya know (Now, there’s an article I’ll never have to write.) But they’re there and just writing their names fills up a lot of space and makes this seem like a well researched piece, which it’s not. So there.
As this campaign progresses and other candidates emerge, merge, or, uh, de-merge, I may keep you posted; it’s hard to tell. I’m only writing this cause it’s a rainy Labor Day and there isn’t much to do. Plus, I’m getting older and tend to forget things, which I really hope happens with these guys. Key ya later.