Unconfirmed sources report that the war on Christmas is over. Anti-Christmas rebels led by “Big Ed” stormed the capitol of Christmas, Christmas City, and the government has fled into exile. The Christmas army led by General Charles Gibson has been totally routed and is no longer a viable military force. Pro-Christmas rebel leader Fox O’Reilly has vowed to fight on and claims he is counter attacking the Anti-Christmas positions in the capitol.
“It’s a very dangerous situation here.” reports Stone Philips from a hotel in the heart of Christmas City. “The rebels swept into the city in a brisk orderly fashion and now hold everything in sight. The Christmas army and it’s paramilitary supporters never stood a chance. Christmas City is quiet, but the streets are empty and the mood is tense. Anti-Christmas forces hold the entire city and the surrounding suburbs.”
Far from mounting a real threat to the rebels, Fox O’Reilly and a small group of supporters have barricaded themselves into a church and refused to come out. Anti-Christmas leader “Big Ed” claims no ill toward O’Reilly and says the Pro-Christmas faction is welcome to join in a new unity government.
“Big Ed” spoke to reporters and a UN team at the Christmas City Capitol Building and invited all the citizens of Christmas to participate in a new era of peace and understanding.
“We are not Anti-Christmas, we are not Pro-Christmas, what we are fighting for is the freedom to say Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday without fear.” boomed “Big Ed”. “We stand for the right to celebrate Christmas and greet people with any holiday greeting you feel like. Our victory here today is not a sad day for Christmas, it is a happy day Christmas and all holidays everywhere.”