February 21, 2006
The White House has announced a new public relations drive designed to rehabilitate Vice President Dick Cheney’s image among the American people. President George W. Bush, in a speech to the Heritage Society, has called upon that august body to lead the charge in a show of support for the beleaguered Vice President.
The program is said to focus on a bi-partisan effort to convince Americans that whether they are Republican, Democrat or Independent, the current Administration is the government is for all the people, and Dick Cheney is a vital part of that Administration.
The public relations program, called “I LOVE MY DICK!” is an attempt to show Americans that the Vice President belongs to all of them, not just an elite few.
White House staffers handed out buttons that said, “I Love My Dick!”, “We All Need Dick Now!” and “Your Bush Needs A Dick!” to Heritage members as they left the gathering. In Evangelical churches across the nation, pastors have been encouraged to post such sayings as “Jesus Loves Dick” and “God Bless My Dick”.
In a man on the street interview Georgetown hair stylist Christopher Street said, “Honey, I think it’s fabulous! I’ve been wearing the “I Love Dick!” button everyday to work to show my support. All of my stylists are very positive about Dick these days as well. It’s a whole new Dick loving world baby!”
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “I personally was a little leery of wearing a button that said “Give Me More Dick, Please” but my wife seems to love hers. The only one who doesn’t seem too thrilled with the new program is the Vice President’s daughter Mary, but I’m not sure why. She does always wear the “I Love Bush” button though. I tell you this right now though, I’m not letting my daughter wear the “Give Me Dick Please!” button, ever.”
So far public support from the Administration’s base seems positive, with Pastor Festus P. Hymen of Billings, Montana urging his congregation to put the “Every Bush Needs A Good Dick” bumper stickers on their trucks and SUV’s. Evangelical Christian women seem quite happy to suddenly be allowed to voice their love of Dick, as are a distressing number of their husbands.